Kanye West is Bangin’ Sam Cassell?

September 16, 2009
I think he only ran on stage because he was afraid the camera wasn't able to see him next to that thing.

I think he only ran on stage because he was afraid the camera wasn't able to see him next to that thing.

This isn’t really sports related at all, but since I’m gonna name drop an athlete, here we go.

Which one is Sam Cassell?

Which one is Sam Cassell?

I didn’t realize that Kanye West was banging Sam Cassell.  That is one seriously ugly broad.  When she’s going down on him, I wonder if he thinks, “Do I have a small penis or does she just have a really big head?”

By now, we all know that Kanye went off the deep end at the MTV VMA’s Sunday night, interrupting Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech for Best Female Video.  It’s one thing to mess with a pretty blonde, its a completely different thing to mess with Carebear’s girl.

By the way, can we even call what Kanye did “crazy”?  This isn’t his first outlandish act caught on camera.  He stormed out of a previous award ceremony because he didn’t win (2004 VMAs) and even rushed the stage at an European VMA show in 2006 because he lost video of the year.  I want to suggest we rename this action “pulling a Kanye West.”  Let’s inject that into common vernacular!

The video he swears should have beat Taylor Swift?  Beyonce’s “Single Ladies”, which he swears is one of the best videos of all time.  I don’t think it’s that legendary myself, besides the fact that a producer was able to find enough spandex to cover her fat ass.  (I like this version better) 

In conclusion, yes Kanye, George Bush might hate black people, but America hates you.

Lights Out for Merriman?

September 6, 2009
Shawne Merriman is Roger Goodells new problem child.  Stay classy San Diego!

Shawne Merriman is Roger Goodell's new problem child. Stay classy San Diego!

According to numerous reports, Shawne Merriman was arrested early Sunday morning for assaulting his girlfriend.  The charges allege that after choking her, he restrained her from leaving.  The victim?  MTV reality “star” Tila Tequila.

Tequila, whose real name is Tila Nguyen, accuses the San Diego linebacker of choking her and then throwing her to the ground when she attempted to escape.  He was booked and released earlier today from jail.  She is the former star of “A Shot at Love with Tequila Tequila” on MTV and gained fame as an early MySpace phenomenon.

I had no idea the two were dating, but I can totally see it.  If you’ve ever seen the show, ‘roided up toolbags with mohawks are commonplace.  I’m just surprised the attention hungry Merriman never made an appearance.  He had all of last season off due to a knee injury, and certainly could have fit the show in his schedule (which consisted of a weekly football preview show and lifting weights at Venice’s Muscle Beach).  He probably declined because he would’ve blended in with every other over-inflated greaseball on the show.  Furthermore, it’s fitting that Tequila is dating a player from the city which means “a whale’s vagina” (thanks Ron Burgundy) because I’ve heard the same term used to reference her private places too.

We here at the Blueduck don’t condone assualting women (Boise State lineman are a different story) and the facts that Merriman plays for the Chargers or that Tila Tequila is a talentless slut don’t influence my view.  But as a Patriots loyalist, I will take the opportunity to point out that stuff like this is what sets playoff teams apart from championship teams.  To win Super Bowls, you need to have players who put the team before themselves.  Negative attention draws the focus away from the team and towards the incidents of the players.

Tila Tequila couldve used this for defense earlier this morning.

Tila Tequila could have used this for defense earlier this morning.

Merriman was suspended for 4 games in 2006 for testing positive for steroids, missed all of last year due to the knee injury (which could’ve been taken care of with surgery the prior off-season, but he declined), and now is once again increasing the odds of missing games this season.  It’s obvious he doesn’t put his team ahead of himself.  Luckily for Chargers fans, the team drafted his future replacement in Larry English, this past April.  Merriman is entering a contract year and this is not the way to go about convincing management to sign you to a record deal.

So while the Chargers get ready for a week one matchup with Oakland, the team now has a new headache to deal with.  The team is very strict about the character of the players they employ, so I’m expecting a multiple game suspension for Merriman.  General Manager AJ Smith will not tolerate this alleged behavior and will certainly not forget this incident come free agency.  It could be “lights out” for Merriman in 2009.  Way to stay class San Diego.

Solheim Cup…Make it a World Cup

August 25, 2009
Why not this much excitement every week?  Maybe because US players never win anymore, but probably just because the SOlheim Cup was fun for everybody(AP Photo/Mike Groll)

Why arent they this excited every week? Because US players never win anymore? Nah, probably just because the Solheim Cup was actually entertaining(AP Photo/Mike Groll)

The Solheim Cup was the most tweeted, blogged, and overall the most talked about event for the LPGA of the season, and for a sport that is struggling to keep sponsors, it was pretty vital.  LPGA tournaments are dropping like flies these days.  Classic events are going away and new ones are not springing up in the near future.

But last week, the ladies showed that they can be interesting, play well, and even at times, be more entertaining than the men’s game.

So what should the LPGA do to capitalize on last week’s success?

Well, the format of last week’s Solheim Cup is a very popular one.  Everyone loves a good Ryder Cup setup.  You start chanting “U-S-A, U-S-A!,” and Americans who have never seen golf of any kind before automatically are glued to the set and are bigger experts than Dottie Pepper.

And, don’t forget, the power of how the rest of the world likes to root against the US (not necessarily out of hatred for our country, but more of a “I hate the Yankees because they spend so much money,” kind of thing”(I was referring there to the New York Yankees, not Americans as Yankees there)).

I am aware there is already a Women’s World Cup of Golf, but they didn’t have me plan it, so obviously, its all wrong.  The LPGA schedule, unlike the men’s schedule, is full of holes.  Plenty of room to take a shot at another event here or there, and here is my masterplan.

Alright, so you got that US team?  Add Canada in with them, and name them something thing like Northern North America.  We can work on names later.  The European team is fine as is.  Asia can easily put together a team, and probably trounce the rest of the world with very little effort.  South Korea has 47 players on the tour alone, and its a little bigger than Indiana.

Then take Mexico (Lorena Ochoa), South America, Australia, South Africa, and any Antarcticans if they happen to spring up and create a 4th team called, World, or something.  So you got 4 teams so far,and you give them a bit of a golf icon as their captain to spark a little more interest:

The Northern North: Golf Icon Captain guy, Lee Trevino, he seems right for this role, maybe because he was in Happy Gilmore.

Europe: GICG, Seve Ballesteros, hands off the ladies, Seve.

Asia: GICG, YE Yang? Nah, not yet, Vijay Singh maybe.

The Black Knight could motivate anybody.  Hed have the world team doing pushups all day.

The Black Knight could motivate anybody. He'd have the world team doing pushups all day.

And everyone else… World?…yeah. GICG: Gary Player seems like a perfect fit.

So everyone plays eachother once.  That is three weekends right there.  Plus you can have the events either separate, or have all four teams play at the same course.  After the four teams have played, they are seeded based on how badly the Asians beat them, and a playoff situation is set up.  1 plays four and so on.

So say Asia is number one and Europe is number four: They would play in say, Seoul for the right to play in the championship while the US and Mexico played at Brookline to get there, too.

It would set up a cool scenario of not only trying to win to get to the championship, but golfers and fans having to TV-watch like other sports do in the playoffs (obviously the timing would be a bit messed up by the 13 hour difference between Seoul and Massachusetts, but bear with me).

Moving on.  They play the championship at some predetermined location, and the champion of the first year guarantees the championship being played on their turf the next year.  This is key because anyone who has ever missed a 4 ft putt in the Ryder cup will tell you, home soil is a little friendlier.

The champion wins a lot of pride and flag waving, but really that is why sponsors will love this.  You do not need a huge purse, and people will come to these events if they are scheduled right.  People will even watch them on TV.

Also, with golf’s addition to the Olympics this will be a great tuneup.  Who wouldn’t like to hear Nick Faldo say, “Michelle Wie going after her first gold medal, but she has to take on Anna Nordquist, who beat her mercilessly in the World Cup last year.”

It sets up different types of matches and easier to follow TV coverage, and gives LPGA fans and non-fans an easier time trying to find something they haven’t had in the last few years, someone to root for.

I am all for having Jessica Alba golf every week, but Im sure she has better things to do, and Id rathr just see good golf.

I am all for having Jessica Alba golf every week, but I'm sure she has better things to do, and I'd rather just see good golf.

The other alternatives I have seen for the Ladies’ circuit to get their sponsors back are more about wearing tight outfits, and teaching supermodels to golf.  So, I think this is a viable alternative.  Not that I wouldn’t want to see Gisele pout like Sergio after knocking one in the water on 18, or even just grabbing her ball out of the 18th hole, but I would prefer just good golf.

The Solheim Cup brought the best out of the LPGA players, fans, and even perked up the sleeping sponsors.  It was much more interesting than a Tiger-less Wyndham Championship.

There is no reason the LPGA cannot create something similar on a more regular basis.

Just name it after us, The First Annual Blue Duck Ladies World Cup.  Quack.

Philthy Hughes

July 18, 2009

On Friday night, the Yankees beat the Tigers 5 to 3 in a pretty ordinary game.  AJ Burnett started the game for New York, and was relieved by Phil Hughes at the start of the 7th inning.  Hughes gave up 3 hits in two innings, but struck out the other 6 hitters he faced.

It was just another good appearance out of the pen by Phil Hughes who is looking more and more comfortable in that role.  He has quieted the Joba to the pen cries as well, and has shown a power fastball and harder breaking stuff in the shorter stints.

He is a toolbag, but he may be the bullpen savior the Yankees need.

He is a toolbag, but he may be the bullpen savior the Yankees need.

Since going to the pen Phil has pitched 20 1/3 innings, given up just 10 hits, struck out 25 batters, walked only 5, and given up just 2 earned runs.  If you discount his first appearance out of the pen, where he relieved Chien Ming Wang in the 3rd inning of a game against the Red Sox, Hughes hasn’t given up a run.

Hughes’ Bullpen Line: ERA: 0.88, WHIP: 0.73, K/9: 11.08

Hughes could be a huge commodity for the Bombers either in the pennant race or in a deal for ace sinkerballer Roy Halladay.

Uconn Women: Best Ever?

April 7, 2009

The lady Huskies take on division rivals Louisville tonight in the national championship game.  Uconn is 38-0 and has beaten Louisville twice this year by a combined 67 points.  Is this Uconn team the best team women’s basketball has ever seen?  Better yet, are they the best collegiate basketball team ever assembled?  I ask this knowing that if they lose it would be a Miracle on Ice level upset.  It would be a bigger upset than the Giants beating the Pats or Buster Douglas knocking out Mike Tyson, but you won’t hear much about it because its women’s basketball.

The Uconn women’s team is beating teams by 30 points every time out.  In the second round of the tournament, the Huskies went down eight points in the first half to California.  This was the largest deficit they faced all year, at any point of any game.  They proceeded to go on a 40-12 run and win the game by 24 points.  Their closest two games were 10 point wins over Rutgers and Notre Dame.

The real strength of this team is their depth.  Maya Moore would score 40 points a game if she played for most programs.  She averages less than 20 for Uconn, but never loses.  Renee Montgomery averages about 17 and has an assist/turnover ratio over two.  Geno’s favorite target, Tina Charles is an absolute beast, and is as good a big as you can find in the nation.  There are no egos, no stars.  They are a team united in their fear and hatred (which grows into respect) for Geno Auriemma.

Can Renee Montgomery and Maya Moore complete what would be the greatest season in NCAA women's history?

Can Renee Montgomery and Maya Moore complete what would be the greatest season in NCAA women's history?

Then the depth starts.  Uconn freshman Caroline Doty went down after 17 games, and fans were worried.  Geno went to his bench and found Tiffany Hayes and Lorin Dixon.  Their next game came just a day after they told Doty she was out for the season against the second ranked North Carolina Tarheels.  Uconn beat UNC in a tough game… by thirty.

Uconn is shooting over 50% from the field for the season while opponents have shot right around 33% against them.  This team has the best offense in the nation (84.2ppg) and the second best scoring defense in the nation (53.4ppg).  This is not your average great team, though.  They outhustle, they outrun, they outwork other teams.  The leaders give an example that the young players follow and they defend at 100 miles an hour all game long.  Geno won’t let them go any slower.

This is a videogame team.   They provide a stress-free watching experience for fans.  A win tonight would cap a truly remarkable season, and a loss would be one of the biggest upsets in sport’s history.  It is a shame that not many people will watch this game.  Women’s basketball, though some consider it an inferior product, is really the last true semi-popular amateur sport.  These girls are playing for their schools and to win.  There is no giant contract waiting, no shoe deal around the next corner.  Could a women’s team really be the best ever?  Probably not, but its hard for me to think of a team that has been as fun to watch as this year’s Lady Huskies.

Hey Courtney, Pay Up

April 5, 2009

With the loss to Louisville, Big Courtney is officially a walk on.

As Nyeshia Stevenson’s three point prayer rattled out in the dying seconds against Louisville, a question flashed through Courtney Paris’ head: where the hell am I going to get sixty-four grand?  The All American Senior Center from Oklahoma guaranteed a national championship to Sooner fans.  Paris was so confident in her team’s abilities that she put her scholarship on the line.

While the statement by Paris was more motivational than anything else, she is put in an awkward position now.  As an out-of-state student at Oklahoma, the scholarship is valued somewhere in the neighborhood of $64,000.  Paris will go high in the WNBA draft, but the average rookie salary in the league somewhere close to a blue collar $40,000.  Paris, who said after the final four loss that she will do good on her promise, faces the reality that a vast majority of college students face after they walk for their diploma. She will be up to her ears in debt.

I must say that I am impressed by the fact that she has not backed down from her statement.  Paris seems seriously poised to pay the school back.  Most likely Oklahoma will release some kind of statement in the upcoming days saying they will not accept the money from the double- double machine.  I’m sure this was a wake up call for Paris, but maybe it will help other student athletes take notice of how much their college education is costing their classmates, and even the walk- on teammates they play with.

College is one of the biggest investments most people make in their lives.  Paris was playing with house money, and she may end up as the first professional basketball player to make regular student loan payments.